the world was coming, along with judgment day. My fear was reinforced by sermons and movies covering the topic of the end (I was sure that it would come in the form of nuclear war. It was the early eighties and the cold war was the big news story). I was sure that I would be one of those poor people that suffered greatly in the Book of Revelation. After all, I was a sinner and unworthy of God’s love. I knew that God could read minds, and when he read mine he would know without a doubt that I did not believe in him with all of my heart. I knew that I had too many questions for God to find me fit for heaven. I never spoke it aloud, but I thought that God was a very mean man. Besides all that, I had a feeling that I would get bored in heaven.My father and I often discussed the matter of the end of the world. I think he was also waiting for nuclear war to make the Book of Revelations a thing of reality. I was still too young to really know what was going on, but I did know what the diagrams showing Russia’s ability to launch missiles and have them land on U.S. soil meant. It meant death and destruction of the worst kind. I would often say to my father, in the spirit of the blanket-over-the-head defense, “If there is a nuclear war I will just go live in Antarctica; there I will be safe.” My father was not a man who allowed his children their fantasies to make them feel safe. I think that he wanted us to feel as afraid and confused as he did. His reply to my fantasy was “When the nuclear war happens, there will be no place on Earth that will be safe.” With complete terror I would stop all conversation. I was doomed, then.How could a good, kind, creative God let his children suffer? If I were God I would never let any of my children suffer. What about the unconditional love that the Bible sometimes spoke about? Unconditional love and grace contradicted Hell Fire and punishment, didn̵...
