n, though weak and exhausted, to carry on-"I would have ended my life-it was only my art that held me back. Ah, it seemed to me impossible to leave the world until I had brought forth all that I felt was within me. So I endured this wretched existence..." Realizing his own potential which he expressed earlier after the completion of the Second Symphony-"I am only a little satisfied with my previous works"-and in an 1801 letter-"I will seize Fate by the throat; it shall certainly not bend and crush me completely"- he decides to go on. At a time when Beethoven had reached the end of the musical challenge of the day, he also faced what seemed to him the end of hope in his personal life. In his Testament, death seems imminent-"With joy I hasten to meet death"-but hope and determination, though weak and unsure, are evident.In the Heiligenstadt Testament the composer comes to terms with his deafness and leaves what is beyond his control to what must be, trying to make a fresh start. It is quite evident that the Testament is filled with a preoccupation with death-he writes as though death were at his doorstep, waiting for him to finish his letter-"Farewell...How happy I shall be if I can still be helpful to you in my grave...With joy I hasten to meet death. Come when thou wilt, I shall meet thee bravely." He has set his old self-the almost-deaf, tired, hopeless Ludwig- to rest through the Testament so that he may rise and live again. Beethoven had stated previously that he has not yet revealed all of which he is capable. Coming to terms with his condition, he moves on to "develop all my artistic capacities." This eventually leads to his heroic period in which Symphony No. 3 in E-flat ("Eroica") composed in 1803 became one of the early principal works. The work broke from the earlier Viennese high classic style; many older composers and music pedagogues, not able to accept his new style, called it "fantastic," "hare-brained," "too long, elabora...
