know that weddings around the world continue to have that impact on many women and often lead to lives of virtual slavery. Yes, I know. Then how could a feminist, out, radical lesbian like myself get married a year ago last April? Have I simply joined the flock of lesbians and gay men rushing out to participate in a meaningless ceremony that symbolizes heterosexual superiority? I think not. When my partner and I decided to have a commitment ceremony, we did so to express the love and caring that we feel for one another, to celebrate that love with our friends and family, and to express that love openly and with pride. It angers me when others, who did not participate or do not know either of us, condemn us as part of a mindless flock accepting a dehumanizing ceremony. But more it distresses me that they believe their essential vision of weddings explains all--because they have been to weddings, both straight and queer, they can speak as experts on their inherent nature.Perhaps these experts should consider the radical aspect of lesbian marriage or the transformation that it makes on the people around us. As feminists, we used to say that “ the personal is political.” Have we lost that vision of how we can understand and change the world?My commitment ceremony was not the mere “aping” of the bride that I supposedly spent my childhood dreaming of becoming. (In fact, I was a very satisfied tomboy who never once considered marriage.) My ceremony was an expression of the incredible love and respect that I have found with my partner. My ceremony came from a need to speak of that love and respect openly to those who participate in my world.Some of the most politically “out” experiences I have ever had happened during those months of preparing for and having the ceremony. My sister and I discussed for weeks whether she would bring her children tot he ceremony. Although I had always openly brough...
