actures realize that we cannot avoid using one of these annoying contraptions so over the years they have kept themselves amused by creating models in a wide range of shapes and sizes, from ugly plastic boxes with digital readouts and tiny speakers to ugly metallic boxes with rotating hands and loud bells. Contrary to popular belief they are not all designed to be thrown at the nearest wall.I must add though that my small torture device looks harmless enough. It is small and covered with an oddly appealing wood grain sticker that makes me feel better about owning such a thing. The evil nature of the device is only apparent upon closer examination where one discovers the two settings featured daily for my enjoyment: “Music” and something called a “Buzzer.”Take it from me, expect the worst if you own a similar machine and you foolishly decide to set the lever to “music.” The next morning you may find yourself unable to get up or even roll over while listening to two or three Top 40 disc jockeys with names like ‘MC Mike’ or ‘Radio Man.’ That’s the leading cause of self induced pillow smothering deaths. Or you may find yourself during your day with a song in your head that keeps repeating itself and you have no clue as to when or how it got into your head. You might not even remember ever listening to the song at all. This could be a serious health risk as to it may start a mild case of insanity.Now as bad as it sounds, it cannot compare to the agony of the “buzzer” setting. The name “buzzer” is actually a misnomer; it should really be labeled “fry synapses.” This innocent looking piece of hardware is capable of stunning bystanders into unconsciousness at 100 feet. I failed to notice that this was actually written on the outside of the box until after I bought it. Attempting to sleep anywhere within earshot is just asking for a...
