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poop

poop · Your web page is more popular than you. · When given a choice, you look at Computer Shopper instead of Playboy. · Your computer has its own phone line. · You have dreams involving your computer. · You try to pick up women on chat lines. · You can talk to a woman about your hardware and not mean anything sexual. · You spend Friday nights with your computer. · You ask a woman for her email address instead of her phone number. · You've never actually met many of your friends. · You think Bill Gates is "a cool guy." · Only computer users can understand you. · Your home page is longer than your resume. · You've missed the X-Files because you wanted to play on your computer. · You spend more time on the Internet than you do sleeping. · You have multiple email addresses. · You've ever setup a LAN in your house. · You understood the above statement. · You search the Internet for computer humor. · Your idea of hurrying is typing faster. · You've ever been dumped for paying too much attention to your computer. · Someone mentions foreign language and you think "Cobol". · You regularly use a tape backup on files you have the original disks for. · You get a new computer, take it out of the box, and you immediately remove the case. · You have ever called home to check on your computer. · You do processes in DOS instead of Windows not because it is faster, but because it just confuses people. · You've ever considered getting a tattoo of the "Intel Inside" logo. · You have a pet name for your computer, but not one for your penis. · You know every law about computer piracy by heart, because you've been convicted on all of them. · You no longer interact with your family, you send them email instead; in the same house. · You check your email before you check your answering machine. · You can program the next best thing to Windows, but you still can't get your VCR to stop flashing. · You have more insurance on your computer than on your children. · You receive more chat requests than phone calls. · You stopped paying for call waiting because it kept knocking you off-line. · You don't immediately go into gibbering panic when you hear of a new computer virus. · You've ever emailed your assignment in to your professor. · You've ever tried to see how far you can move the mouse without turning off the screen saver. · You have dialed 911 and faxed them your problem. · You call in sick to work over your computer. · Your first aid kit contains Norton's Anti-Virus. · You know what the acronyms HTML, URL, ISP, and HTTP each stand for. · You tinker with computers at work all day, and when you finally get off work, you rush home to tinker with your computer. · You dedicate your home page to your favorite actress in hopes that she will see it and desire to meet you. · You have more than one home page. · The closest you ever come to having sex is downloading nude pictures off of the Internet. · You have a better computer system at home than at work. · You get jealous when other people use your computer. · You run back into your burning home to rescue your computer, but you leave the dog. · You know exactly how much hard drive space you have free, but you don't know your spouse's birthday. · You run Windows 95 and Windows 3.1 just because you can. · You have the high score on Jezz Ball. · You know what word 31337 stands for. · You keep spare computer parts around the house. Bibliography:

Word Count: 717