siree Artot out of his mind so easily stems from his homosexual tendencies which left him with Aa profound sense of guilt . . . natural shyness, melancholia, and emotional disturbance.@8 People were starting to ask questions and talk about him so Tchaikovsky decided he must do something to silence the critics. At the suggestion of his brother, Modest, with whom he was very close, Tchaikovsky decided to marry and settle down. An opportunity to accomplish this, which Tchaikovsky has referred to in letters as his Arash act,@ came in 1877. A women by the name of Antonina came to him one day and threw herself at him. She told him that if he did not marry her she would kill herself. Forced with this, in addition to the fact that he needed to marry, he approached her with an unorthodox marriage proposal.9 He told her that he Acould not love her but would be her faithful and grateful friend.@10 Then he asked her to marry him and she, of course, accepted. His marriage succeeded in stifling the rumors that were circulating about his homosexuality.The marriage, which lasted all of two weeks, proved to be too much for Tchaikovsky. On the brink of a nervous breakdown he tried to commit suicide. One evening he ran to the Moscow river and plunged in up to his waist in hopes of contracting pneumonia. He managed to stumble home and was found delirious 24 hours later. The doctor said that he had gone through a period of great strain and that he should get away for a while. His family took him to a secluded home on a lake and left him in peace. He remained there for some time. He never wanted to, nor did, see his wife again.In 1877 he was contacted by a widow, Nadezda von Meck, who expressed her interest in his genius and who genuinely loved his music. She offered to provide him with an annual Aallowance@ so that he could devote the majority of his time composing without having to worry about his finances. Thus a very strange and intimate relationship beg...
