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Although personality is affected by many different factors, such as heredity, family size, the spacing and the gender of other siblings, education and upbringing, birth order plays a very important role and gives many clues as to why people are the was they are. Dr. Alfred Adler, a renowned psychiatrist, wrote that a person's position in the family leaves an undeniable "stamp" on his or her "style of living." There are other factors that impact each sibling such as physical circumstances that include income of the parents and the residents of their community. Emotional stability plays a large part in the development of each person, examples include well adjusted parents, parental experiences and the career of the parents. For instance, what decade and country you were born in and the economy of that country also plays an important role. All of these factors can determine what type of person that child will become. In a large part, birth order and gender determine how other people in your family react and treat you. It also determines your self-image and how you react and treat others inside and outside of your family. Furthermore, the only child can be described as a first born who never loses his or her parents' undivided attention. Onlies are generally super responsible, confident and get along great with adults. They often have the heightened sense of right and wrong. Only children seem to be very on top of things, articulate, and mature. Although they appear to have it all together and have many achievements, they regularly have a hard time enjoying their achievements. They are often labeled as spoiled, selfish, lazy and a bit conceited because the only child does not have to share with other siblings. Despite the fact that only children are used to having things handed to them all their lives, they are among the top achievers in every area of profession. Some examples of famous only children includes Franklin D. Roosevelt, Leonardo da Vinci, Charles Lindbergh, Ted Koppel, Brooke Shields, Nancy Reagan, Frank Sinatra, Danielle Steele and John Updike. Moreover, only children tend to cling to one close friend at a time to prevent loneliness, yet they will still be most comfortable alone. Some can be fearful about meeting new people and have to force themselves into social situations. On the other hand, many desire to be a part of a group. The underlying idea is that only children are not used to dealing with the complexities of other human beings. Only children are most often considered special and precious to their parents and the child knows that their position in the family is assured to them no matter what. Since parents do not often admit that they were wrong or sorry, only children do not learn to apologize and often find it difficult to forgive themselves. Also, marriage to anyone of any birth order can be a challenge since most are quite comfortable being alone. Often, only children try to meet their spouse's expectations. Only children will be more likely to marry other "Onlies" or first borns. Generally, only children have difficulty being parents because they do not have experience in dealing with younger children in the family. Onlies are more than likely not to have children or just have one child. On the other hand, some onlies want to "make up" for their own lonely childhood by having many children. However, when they do have children, they most often allow and encourage their children to have their own time and space. This stems from the onlie's parents being intrusive during early childhood. Consequently, First born children can be described as a perfectionist. They tend to be high achievers, reliable, conscientious, list makers, well organized, critical, serious, scholarly, self- assured, good leadership abilities, eager to please and nurturing. The first born is typically the success story in the family and they are extremely driven to succeed in "high achievement" fields, such as science, medicine, or law. Many first borns choose careers in leadership. For example, fifty-two percent of all U.S. presidents were first borns. Researchers conclude that, in general, first born children tend to have high IQ's than younger siblings. This is because of the amount of attention new parents give to their first child. In addition, oldest children find it difficult to make friends and usually have just one close friend. Often, first born children are less popular than those in later birth positions, even though they are anxious to please those in authority. The relationship between the first child and parents can never be duplicated mostly because they are the focus of the parent's hopes and dreams. Parents tend to pay close attention to everything that happens with the first baby including the first smile, word and their first step are all exclaimed over, celebrated and recorded in the baby book. These feelings are often carried on throughout the first born's life. Nevertheless, first borns come to feel unloved through the perceived loss of mother's love to the new baby. They mentally exchange love for attention in forms of respect, admiration, and approval, they seek these in place of unconditional love. Also, oldest tend to believe in the importance of marriage and want to stay married no matter what happens. It can be generalized that many of them have unhappy marriages because spouses often find them impatient and demanding. If the marriage ends, most often they are prone to strong feelings of failure and guilt. When it comes to parenting, oldest usually want to have children and are very responsible parents. They are nurturing, loving and they hope for the respect of their children. In contrast, they could also be overprotective and strict with their children. They can be very demanding for their children to become adults and as a result the child learns at a faster pace than normal. Typically, first borns choose careers that involve precision and require a strong power of concentration. Some famous first borns include, Mikhail Gorbachev, Jimmy Carter, Henry Kissinger, Albert Einstein, Sally Ride, Bill Cosby, John Glenn, Steven Spielberg, Joan Collins, Peter Jennings and Bruce Springsteen. Furthermore, middle and second born children can be more difficult to classify because they can take on the characteristics of all the birth orders. Their personalities are also affected by the personalities of their older and younger siblings and also by the number of years that are between them. The personalities of the middle child can go from one extreme to the next, shy or outgoing and reckless to responsible. Most of the outgoing lifestyles play off of the first born. Either the middle child will imitate the first born of will be the complete opposite. Generally, middle born children suffer form identity crisis in the respect that they are always striving to be different. Often the middle child feels that they have no role in the family. They are highly competitive and are more successful in sports. One advantage of being the middle child is that they can learn from the older sibling and at the same time regress to be like the younger one. This doubles their learning opportunity. The middle child also is skilled at handling people and are excellent in positions that require patience and tactfulness. Many middle children crave attention and affection and go into the entertainment field. One disadvantage is that the middle child must cope with the oldest child taking away attention by outperforming him or her. The child most often feels inadequate and tries to overcome the feeling by choosing perfectionism in some area of their life. In addition, the middle child feels that no one cares about how he or she feels because the oldest child obviously does not. Consequently, the child tries to suppress his or her own feelings to avoid pain. Friendships are very important to middle born children. They do well in friendships and marriages with most other birth orders, They tend to feel more comfortable with having more people in the household since that came from a family of at least tow to three children. Usually, they accept the responsibilities of parenthood more easily than the youngest, yet they are more laid back than the oldest.. Middle children also insist on obedient behavior from their children. Also, the middle child is often very social, more so than the other birth positions. They tend to be very friendly and can be good friends to people in most birth positions. A marriage between two middle borns can, on occasion, work out great. They put the spouse and family ahead of their own needs and wants. Some famous middle children include Bea Arthur, Glenn Close, Matt Dillon, Linda Evans, Jessica Lange, Cyndi Lauper, Tom Selleck, Mary Decker Slaney, Richard Nixon, Princess Diana, George Burns and Bob Hope. Finally, the youngest child of the "baby of the family" can be described as manipulative, charming, blames others, show of, people person, good salesman, precocious, engaging and sometimes spoiled. The idea that the youngest is the "baby of the family" is passed on all throughout adolescence and on into adulthood. They are special to the family in ways that the other children are not. The youngest expect more attention, often become the class clown, and consequently they sometimes feel that they are not being taken seriously. They tend to be fun- loving. affectionate and also have a great sense of humor. In addition, the last born do not like to be told that they are wrong. In friendships, the youngest are usually most sociable, easy going and popular of the birth orders. They are comfortable around large groups since they are used to having more than two people around. If two youngest marry, to others they may seem irresponsible and they do not take child bearing and home making too seriously. The main reason for this is because they want to have a good time and they often do. The extent of the youngest having a good time can even cause them to go in debt or lose their job. This causes friction between the two. Furthermore, parents tend to have fewer expectations of the youngest child. In most cases, this lack of added pressure from the parents can cause the child to just get by as students. They often look for jobs that are less demanding and that do not require extra time or effort. The youngest are more than likely to become the follower instead of the leader Parents tend to let the youngest enjoy childhood as long as they can. By the time the youngest is born, the parents are more experienced and confident in their parenting skills. The child is more apt to be pampered and is often given an extra dose of affection and attention. The youngest usually are not too enthusiastic about being parents, but they can be relaxed and enjoyable parents to have. They tend to be less concerned about the child's safety and achievements and have a lazy attitude towards parenting. Their children may see this as a lack of interest in them. Consequently, they are usually understanding parents and give their children more freedom. Some disadvantages to being the youngest can include the fact that they feel no one takes them seriously. They may often have feelings of insecurity and have long periods of self doubt. This is caused by one minute the child feels like the "baby of the family" and the next minute they are being compared to an older, more stronger sibling. In contrast, the youngest child often goes on to become quite successful. Some examples of famous youngest children include, Ronald Reagan, Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Mary Lou Retton, Billy Crystal, Yogi Bera, Ted Kennedy and Kevin Leman Bibliography: References Internet: www.ncn.net Internet: www.oppapers.com Internet: www.shmp.com Dr. Kevin Leman. "The New Birth Order Book". 1998 chapter 7, 131-133, 136-137,150-151, 154-157. Frank J. Sulloway. "Born to Rebel". 1996. 65-70 Word Count: 2030
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