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Unrequited Love

that mastery is not implied in the propositional phase of the relationship. This applies to the "Rejectors" as well although the reward is very different they don't have any real structure or set plan for the situation. But in the rejection phase this is somewhat different, the "Rejectors" are still without mastery, but the "Would be Lovers" do, somewhat. Basically Baumeister, Wotman, and Stillwell discus something called scripts. They write that "...the aspiring lover has a wealth of scripted guidelines to follow, whereas the rejector does not. Confronted with a real and personal experience of unrequited love, the would be lover has a great stock of distilled insight and fictional models to rely on."(p.379) By saying this the "Would be Lovers" have knowledge pertaining to how the should act in a given circumstance, the reward therefore would be less pain and humiliation. The fourth of the eight overarching themes is that people seek connectedness, meaning, the motivational principle that people seek support, liking, and acceptance from the people and groups the care about and value (Smith & Mackie 1995). This theme is the most significant in the situation of unrequited love. It has been said that receiving love in the form of unconditional positive regard was a crucial key to happiness and adjustment (Rogers 1959). The "Would be Lover' may go to great lengths to try and win the others love although the outcomes are at opposite ends of the spectrum, extreme happiness or humiliating heartbreak depending on the others response. In the case of unrequited love most times the result is humiliating heartbreak. Also it may be this longing for love that causes the "Would be Lover" to believe that the relationship is positive and mutually pleasing. This also ties in to the theme of construction of reality where both sides have different angles at the same thing.The overarching theme people value "Me and Mine" is described by Smith ...

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