and they would now be sitting comfortably in their friends living room, not driving in circles as time passed. Since asking for directions is not unpleasant to Sybial, she can’t understand why Harold won’t do it. However through Harold’s lens: driving around until you find it your self makes perfect sense to him, since asking for help makes him feel awkward and embarrassed. He wants to avoid that discomfort and maintain his view of himself as a self-sufficient person. Another example of the trend of men to not ask for help while women have no problems inquiring for assistance is an encounter of Tannen’s with a photo shop salesman. When she could not open the battery door for the light meter on her camera, she took it to the photo shop and asked for help. The salesman tried to open it first with a coin then with a special instrument, and failed both times, stating the reason, when the door was screwed on, the threads went out of alignment. Then he went on to explain in great detail on how to take pictures by adjusting the shutter speed to light conditions manually. In doing this he attempted to minimize the significance that he couldn’t open the door, with his sharing useful knowledge and solving her problem, without fixing her camera. He also wanted to demonstrate that he had the information and skills to help — even though he didn’t.Many women not only feel comfortable seeking help, they also feel honored to seek it, accept it, and display gratitude. Men on the other hand feel honored to fill the request for help, whether or not it is convenient for them to do so.Ms. Tannen’s book was both interesting and informative to me, and my relationships, not just with my boyfriend, but also my parents and other friends. I am usually one who expresses opinion freely, sometimes forgetting who else may be in the room. I also discovered that I interrupted in conversation quite a bit, and di...
