eelings," (Gray, 164). With a third party available to stand between the two parties, escalations can be controlled much easier and feelings can be directed, as they should be. Men argue because they want to be free and women argue when they want to be upset. Men yearn for space and women, to be understood. In adjudication, the men are catered to more in this scenario. They are separate from the women and they have their space to think. Mediation caters more to the women because they have the chance to be understood better.Difficult FeelingsThere are several emotions that make communicating difficult. A simple conversation can turn into an argument. Women unintentionally place a lot of blame on men and try to make them feel guilty. As men become upset, they become judgmental of women and do not realize that some of the things he may say are very hurtful. Gray points out that "Successful communication would be second nature if we grew up in families that were already capable of honest and loving communication," (Gray, 229). We were taught to avoid negative feelings. Speaking from experience, I always watched my parents fight at home. They are still married and very much in love, yet that is what I grew up with. I have a hard time communicating with loved ones. That carries over to other negotiations and relationships. In divorces, there are many negative feelings already at the surface. If the two parties desire an ongoing relationship and civil arrangements, then mediation would be a good choice. Negative feelings do not have to be suppressed in mediation. They can be communicated aloud by each party and then resolved. II. Gender Paradigms Understanding the role of gender is best seen through three levels. These levels are an individual level, and interactional level, and a societal level. Within these three levels there are two very different gender paradigms. The first paradigm, called the essentialist paradigm a...
