ND SWEAR IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. THEY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BE KIND AND LOVING AND THEY SWEAR THAT THEY WILL CHANGE. THIS PHASE EXPLAINS WHY THE ABUSED COMES BACK AND LETS THE ABUSE CYCLE BEGIN AGAIN.THE ABUSED WANTS TO BELIEVE THE ABUSER AND WANTS TO TRY AND MAKE THINGS WORK. THEY ARE OFTEN RELUCTANT TO LEAVE THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF A FEELING OF DEPENDANCY. THE SECOND REASON WHY THIS PROBLEM DOES NOT GO AWAY IS THE ABUSED PERSON'S DEPENDANCY ON THEIR PARTNER AND THEIR "LEARNED HELPLESSNESS". LEARNED HELPLESSNESS IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL TERM FIRST IDENTIFIED BY PSYCHOLOGIST MARTIN SELIGMAN. PEOPLE WHO ARE ABUSED TEND TO TEND TO THINK THAT THERE IS NO WAY OUT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DEPENDANT ON THEIR PARTNER. THEY CONTINUE TO PUT UP WITH THE ABUSE AND LEARN WAYS OF DEALING TO COPE WITH IT. THE THIRD REASON WHY THIS PROBLEM DOES NOT GO AWAY IS BECAUSE OF THE HISTORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. IT HAS BEEN ACTED OUT FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS SO THERE IS STILL THAT ACCEPTANCE AND VIEW THAT IT IS NOT A MAJOR PROBLEM. SO WHAT MAKES AN ABUSER ? ABUSERS USUALLY SHARE COMMON TRAITS, BACK ROUND FACTORS, AND BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS. IT HAS BEEN COMPLETELY AGREED UPON THAT THE GOAL OF THE ABUSER IS POWER AND CONTROL OVER THEIR PARTNER. THESE SAME PEOPLE USUALLY DEPEND ON THEIR PARTNER FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SINCE THEY ARE LACKING IN EMOTIONAL SKILLS. THE ABUSER ALSO TEND TO CONFORM THE STEREO TYPICAL VIEW OF THE MAN AND THE WOMEN. THE MAN GOES OUT AND MAKES THE MONEY TO SUPPORT THE FAMILY WHILE WOMEN STAYS HOME TO COOK, CLEAN, AND LOOK AFTER THE KIDS. THESE PEOPLE OFTEN HAVE TROUBLE ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR BEHAVIOUR ABUSIVE AND OTHERWISE. THEY USUALLY FEEL GUILT OR SHAME FOR THEIR ACTIONS BUT THEY TRY TO JUSTIFY OR DENY THEIR BEHAVIOUR. IT HAS BEEN FOUND THAT MANY ABUSERS SHARE THE SAME PERSONALITY DISORDERS SUCH AS LACK OF EMPATHY, DEPRESSION, GENERAL HOSTILITY, AND FEELING OF VICTIMIZATION. THEY TEND TO LACK SOCIAL SKILLS AND THEY ENVELOPE T...
