I tried many different methods of managing my drinking, many familiar to other problem drinkers. I decided never to drink before five o'clock and never to drink on weekdays. I tried avoiding hard liquor or avoiding beer. I tried keeping alcohol out of my apartment. I tried setting drink limits for myself, but usually violated them. I even tried talking to my old priest mentor, but he told me things that I did not want to hear, so I ignored his comments. I felt that no one understood me and my unique problem. I thought that I could take care of things myself. I was sure of it! I thought that I had all the knowledge and skills that were needed and I could not understand why I was not succeeding. Obviously my perceptions were clouded by the alcohol and by my belief system about what was required to change habits.
I felt so much frustration during this time. I could not understand myself, nor could I understand what I was doing wrong. I thought that I was beyond all of this kind of problem, that I had earned some kind of immunity through my study of the spiritual life. I was bitter because it seemed like I was a failure in all ways, even though I had tried so hard, and continued to try hard, to succeed.
Looking back on this incredible struggle of me against alcohol, I feel grief for myself. I am sorry that I had to fight hard, with such little luck against alcoholism. I feel compassion for my younger self who had much pride, without enough good sense. Yet, I recognize that I had to try all those things before I was ready to give up and admit that I needed help from other people. I had learned from an early age to rely on myself, and to think of myself as strong, rather than in need. I had also learned in the priesthood that problems could be overcome by prayer, and that if my faith was strong enough I would be able to eliminate temptations from affecting my life. Thus, the struggle was inevitable.
Denial is no...
Drug and Alcohol Abuse. (2000, January 01). In LotsofEssays.com. Retrieved 15:13, January 28, 2015, from http://www.collegetermpapers.com/viewpaper/1304135521.html