it was just always expected that he was straight. Davids only salvation from his gay fears is the fact that he is still engaged to Hella. In fact, he glories at the idea that he can once again resume his presumed lifestyle when Hella writes him a letter telling him she is coming back. This news elated him and he felt American again;I folded the letter, which I now realized I had been awaiting for many days and nights and the waiter came and asked me what I wanted to drink. I had meant to order an aperitif but now, in some grotesque spirit of celebration, ordered a Scotch and soda. And over this drink, which had never seemed more American than it did at that moment, I stared at absurd Paris, which was as cluttered now, under scalding sun, as the landscape of my heart.(pg124)David is associating being straight, with being American. It becomes obvious how much David wants to stay straight. He fears his homosexuality and he fears what it might mean back in America. It seems as though Baldwin is saying that unlike the rest of the world, or at least Paris, America is an unaccepting place for gay people. David never finds pain in his actions when he thinks of Paris, but as soon as he associates his homosexuality with America, he starts to worry about the retribution that might occur. Hella provides an outlet for David. She is his only link into his American lifestyle. When he is with Hella he feels American and straight:I was terribly glad to see her. It really seemed, with Hella in the circle of my arms, that my arms were home and I was welcoming her back there.(159)David so much wants to be straight. He yearns to love Hella, and he wishes that their relationship could be true. But David is only fueling the inevitable fire that burns within him, a fire that could not burn in America.David can never fully accept his homosexual feelings because of the middle class American ignorance. Eventually, David not only looses Giovanni, but Hella finall...
