fulfilled through me” (9). David’s desires and feelings, feltforeign to him and he could not accept their validity. Instead of embracing hishumanity, he ran from it in order to protect himself from his fears. Lonelinessbecame the shelter which hid David’s insecurities. David’s internal journey continues on in Europe where he begins to associatewith a group of homosexual men who are unable to find lasting satisfaction in anyrelationship. These friendships grow while his American girlfriend is traveling andcontemplating his proposal for marriage. David’s internalized homophobia isbrought to the surface among his new found acquaintances who prod David on histrue sexual identity. His fears, however, are now able to be concealed through hisrelationship with Hella, who does not provide the same contentment as Joey orGiovanni, but who provides a shelter which is not as lonesome. This safety netwhich Hella provides allows him to confront his internalized homophobia withGiovanni. Giovanni and David’s first encounter symbolizes the power of humanconnection in society. They were both immediately drawn to each other and itseemed as if fate was handing David the passion and desire he lacked in life. However, with this came his internalized fears and the visibility of his true identity. “I told myself all sorts of lies, standing there at the bar, but I could not move. Andthis was partly because I knew that it did not really matter anymore; it did not evenmatter if I never spoke to Giovanni again; for they had become visible, as visible asthe wafers on the shirt of the flaming princess, they stormed all over me, myawakening, my insistent possibilities.” (42) This occurrence was too strong forDavid’s usual retreat because he knew what actually had awakened inside. Baldwin uses the relationship with Giovanni to chronicle David’s internalstruggles with his own humanity. The battle...
