money, which I was not going to use to help Giovanni, who had done somuch to help me. I was going to use it to escape his room.” (77) David’s internaldesire to leave Giovanni’s room was not strong enough to resist his external passionfor Giovanni. David’s life with Hella and his commitment to marry her were theonly factors strong enough to tear him away from the place he both loved and hated. Hella’s written consent to marriage was not necessarily what David wantedto hear, but what he needed to hear. After receiving her letter, David responded, “Icannot say that I was frightened. Or it would be better to say that I did not feel anyfear--the way men who are shot do not, I am told, feel any pain for awhile. I felt acertain relief. It seemed that the necessity for decision had been taken from myhands” (94). The decision to leave Giovanni was brought upon by Hella’s return. David preferred this method of retreat because without it, he would have had todecide to leave Giovanni on his own accord and he knew that he couldn’t do that. Unlike his relationship with Joey, he could not run from the relationship withGiovanni unless some outside source required his departure. The inability to decidefor himself what his future with Giovanni contained, along with his suddendeparture and immediate persual of Hella exemplified this inability to accept hisown humanity. David is locked in a rites of passage and he is unable to moveforwards or backwards, due to his inability to decide his own life’s fate.David’s new beginning with Hella proved to be a comforting break from theinner turmoil he experienced during his time with Giovanni. David desired a securerelationship with Hella, one that might allow him to completely surrender himself to. However, his experiences with Giovanni divided the possibility of any wholesomelife with Hella. David explains, “I hoped to burn out, th...
