til tension builds and the cycle repeats itself. During the build up phase, the victim knows all too well where the verbal attacks are leading. She can see the dark side coming. As the tension grows, the gradual descent into hell begins, paved with sarcasm, put-downs, insults, and humiliation about her ability as a mother, a housekeeper, and a lover. The woman, in a desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable, usually goes into a survival mode. She swallows her own outrage and caters to her man’s every whim. She tries, at first, to avoid the inevitable by pacifying him, making sure nothing upsets him, doing little extra favours. It’s hopeless, and the fists fly, or an abrupt backhander sends her reeling. And, sometimes, sensing that it is unavoidable, she may even provoke him, just to get it over with. During an assault, the victim quickly realizes that escape is futile. She usually dissociates. Women describe leaving their bodies with their mind. A surrealistic state of calm may occur during which the wife experiences the abuse like a slow-motion movie. This may be coupled with a sense of disbelief, a sense that the incident is not really happening to her. After the violence, the victim’s reactions are similar to those who have experienced a natural disaster. These typically involve emotional collapse within twenty-two to forty-eight hours after the catastrophe and symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as listlessness, depression, and feelings of helplessness. Victims tend to isolate themselves for some time, in an attempt to heal and to avoid the shame that accompanies having their injuries detected by friends. Frequently, battering occurs when assaultive men are inebriated, and they often blame the violence on alcohol. In general, assaultive men have very high alcohol use scores. Alcoholic men experience depression and anxiety – so-called dysphoric states. Alcohol is one of the common ways they learn to suppres...
