s and blot out these uncomfortable feelings. So is anger. Since these individuals experience the dysophoric feelings as a function of their personalities, and since alcohol is a disinhibitor – that is, it relaxes one’s inhibitions – what results is a volatile combination of unhappy, angry men who have lost all restraint. This puts them at an even greater risk for violence. Alcohol and anger clear out depression but unfortunately, they do so at great cost to the drinker. Like alcoholics who haven’t confronted their addiction, batterers are in denial, minimizing the seriousness and frequency of their violence and their responsibility for it. It is a mistake to blame alcohol for the violence. When people say, “The alcohol made me do it,” they’re blaming one symptom – violence – on another – alcohol. These are both aspects of an abusive personality. So, while there is an association between alcohol use and violence, one does not cause the other. Both are traced back to an earlier aspect of the self. One’s personality is formed much sooner than one learns to use alcohol or to hit. Children can be hurt simply by seeing parental violence. The parent uses criticism as a means of control, so no matter what the child does, the parent will find something to criticize. The child becomes an outlet of frustration, a scapegoat for all that is wrong with his parents. This is a corrupting way for alcoholic parents to justify and ventilate their own inadequacies. Sometimes when children see abuse, they have nightmares and trouble sleeping. Little children and even older children may wet the bed. Children may also have trouble in school, even getting into fights with their friends. Or, they may retreat into silence and stop playing with their friends. Sometimes children who are abused take out their anger on pets and sometimes may even kill them. Sometimes they become very passive and quie...
