e should not marry, myths about marriage that can damage the relationship, avoiding addictive relationships, and so on. These books and articles focus on not making mistakes before marriage. They contain lists of questions individuals should ask themselves before they marry, including: How well do we communicate and understand each other? How do we usually handle disagreements? and How well do we know each other?The reality: Choosing a mate is not easy; the decision should be carefully thought out. Our society has undergone rapid changes that confound marriage and career decisions. Changing sex roles, the high divorce rate, the effect of inflation on the family, the need for higher education, and higher expectations for marriage have made choosing a mate and marriage preparation more complicated than fifty years ago. MARRIAGE IS INSTINCTIVE: The myth: Preparing for marriage “just comes naturally.”Do you believe marriage does not take any special knowledge or skills? Many people believe the myth that we are born with or somehow magically learn from our parents or peers how to pick a suitable mate and how to prepare for marriage. This is referred to as the myth of naturalism. Unfortunately, what you often learn from others about finding a mate or preparing for marriage is either incorrect or limited information. I’ll never forget the day in my university marriage preparation course when a student reported to me what his father said to him when he told him he was taking my course. His father exclaimed, “Why in the world are you taking marriage prep? That stuff just comes naturally — you know, it’s part of growing up!” I asked the student how much he actually had learned so far in life about preparing for a satisfying marriage and he responded, “Practically nothing!”The reality: Preparing for marriage is learned and is based on sound information and personal asses...
