ers lack the level of commitment necessary to maintain a long-term marriage. They often distrust themselves or their partners and they tend to be more unconventional about marriage than others. Unconventional attitudes are related to higher divorce rates. A good example of an unconventional attitude toward marriage was open marriage-espoused by some social scientists in the 1970s. In such a marriage, the spouses gave each other permission to have sex with outsiders. This was thought to enrich the marriage and rid it of some of its boredom. The divorce rate for such relationships was so high that social scientists gave up on the idea very quickly — but some prospective spouses still want to give it a try! The negative consequences of the belief in cohabitation as “marriage insurance” include violating your moral standards and later regretting it, creating tension with your parents if they disapprove, and later feeling disillusioned when cohabitation fails to make the relationship divorce-proof.The reality: Cohabitation may help us get to know each other better, but will not serve as a trial marriage or increase our chances of being happily married. IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE EASY: The myth: Choosing a mate should be easy.There is a popular belief that marriage and mate selection are a matter of chance. The myth that mate selection is accidental or easy relieves you of the responsibility for failure in a relationship or responsibility for taking action to help a relationship flourish. It also may discourage you from participating in marriage preparation programs and premarital counseling. The popularity of self-help books, the RELATE and other similar premarital assessment questionnaires, magazine articles on finding a mate, and marriage preparation courses suggests that mate selection may not be as easy as it once was. Experts now warn individuals about poor reasons to get married, people on...
