son to marry. They may set up irrational expectations, such as “choosing someone to marry is easy.” They may fool you into believing that you and your spouse will live happily ever after-regardless of your incompatibilities. The most disturbing myth is the one that says, “We know practically nothing about the factors that predict a happy marriage.” This book was written to debunk the whole set of myths but especially this one, and educate you about the premarital predictors of marriage satisfaction based on over half a century of research.DEBUNKING THE MYTHS: Let’s go into more detail on these eleven myths about preparing for marriage. We’ll see why each myth is false and provide an alternative, more realistic belief for each myth. I believe that if you can rid yourself of your belief in these myths and start thinking more realistically about preparing for marriage, you will have taken the first step toward a more satisfying, healthier, and ultimately easier experience in preparing for marriage. The first two myths concern your partner. YOU’RE MY ONE AND ONLY: The myth: There is one and only one right person in the world for you to marry. Expect several negative consequences if you endorse this belief. For example, how do you determine when you have found this one right person? Will you experience a special, even magical feeling? Will you pass up other good marriage prospects while waiting for this special feeling? Such a belief may also foster passivity in selecting someone to marry. For example, if you believe that your “one and only” will eventually just come along, there will be no positive pressure to date actively and get to know others more intimately. This was the case for a college student I once counseled. He argued that the person he should marry would be revealed to him by God and that until he received such a revelation, he saw no reason to ...
