he asked with an edge. “It means we have a sexual relationship,: she said. “What does that mean?” he demanded, her son demanded, his voice growing louder and less steady. “It means we’re sleeping together,” she blurted out. I was upstairs working on my novel when suddenly I heard both boys crying and shrieking, “No! No! No!” (Rosin 16). Thus, the primary process thinking is stage is in full swing as the stepparent immerses himself or herself the daily activities of the stepfamily. The children are hesitant to engage in day to day activities with the new stepparent. Repeated attempts by the biological parent to immerse the new stepparent in these activities result in miserable failure. Rosin provides the following account from a stepfather and his stepson, Sandy: “Sandy was eleven when I first met him, so for him it was the end of an old era, and the beginning of a new era, an era of growing up. A lot of times at the beginning I noticed that when we were all together, he wouldn’t talk to me; he’d only talk to me through his mother and all the stories he’d tell were directed directly at her. And I had to interject myself, so to speak. There were times when that would happen and we’d have arguments; and I’d take it out on his mother and he’d take it out on me, because he and I weren’t talking to each other” (Rosin 37). At this juncture, the negative misconceptions and isolation in the mind of the stepparent have replaced any positive preconceptions and hopes for a united family. The stepparent has the ability to move beyond the immersion stage. However, they need to eliminate the fantasy that their step-marriage would be very much like their first marriage. This entails moving past the primary process response of the stepfamily cycle after possessing sound awareness and acceptance of the fact that it is normal for stepparents to have dif...
