ing and haircuts are not allowed during Shiva because remaining unshaven is a sign of social withdrawal and an expression of one’s grief (Kolatch 65). Bathing is restricted to basic cleanliness, and it is considered improper to bathe for pleasure (Kolatch 65). Should urgent business require mourners to leave the house for a short time, mourners will often place sand or earth in their shoes to remind them that they are still in mourning and to return to the house as soon as possible (Kolatch 65). Leather shoes are equated with luxury and comfort and should not be worn during Shiva. This denial of pleasure is an expression of grief (Kolatch 65). Once the family has had time together for mourning, usually one to three days, it is customary for visitors to pay condolence calls (Robinson 190). The community comes together during this time to help remember the departed loved one and help the family with cooking and other tasks (Robinson 190). The men of the community come together in order to have a minyan so the mourners can say Kaddish (Greenberg 297). Visitors are often concerned about the initial conversation with the mourners. A normal greeting of shaking hands and saying hello is considered awkward and inappropriate (Greenberg 295). The custom of the visitor saying nothing until spoken to first by the mourner makes it easier and at least slightly less awkward (Greenberg 295). When an initial verbal greeting is made, it will usually be, “Ha-Makom yinakhem otkha b’tokh sh’ahr avalei Tzion v’Yerushalayim” translated as, “May the Almighty comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” (Robinson 190). It is considered poor taste for visitors to take flowers, candy, or gifts to the Shiva (Greenberg 295). A visitor may bring a gift of prepared food for the mourners to relieve the stress of cooking and cleaning (Lanter 340). It has become customary to contribute to a charity...
