e as an excuse for anything, even for selfishness and evil.” The irrational strength of some individuals’ belief in this myth is exemplified by a couple I saw in a premarital counseling session. The woman sat in a session with her admitted drug-addicted fianc and spoke about how important it was to her for him to provide her with emotional and financial support when they married. Knowing this emotionally unstable and chronically unemployed man well, I asked how she expected him to do this. After all, wouldn’t she more likely end up taking care of him, instead? In response to this question she smiled and commented, “But, Dr. Larson, you don’t understand. I love him.” My thought at this expression was, “So what?” Although romantic love is a requisite for marriage for most American couples, marital success is based on many other important factors as well, including similarity of values, similarity of backgrounds, age at marriage, personal and couple readiness for marriage, realistic expectations, and happy childhood. Of the two dozen or so premarital predictors related to marital satisfaction as determined by researchers, romantic love is only one.The reality: Although romantic love is important, especially in the early stage of a relationship, other factors are equally or more important to marital satisfaction and should be considered before marriage. A DECISION OF THE HEART: The myth: Choosing someone to marry is a “decision of the heart.” This reflects an underlying belief that the ultimate decision of marriage should be based on feelings rather than thought. Some people trust their feelings over their thinking processes. Unfortunately, there is no scientific evidence that making a marriage decision based solely on feelings is wise. In fact, it is unwise! True peace of mind about marrying a person comes from not only feeling this is the right thing to do...
