o I am, and Im not happy with what I have found. The problem isnt so much that I dont like who I am, its more that I dont like what others think I am. I used to spent my time concentrating solely on keeping good realtionships with my friends and now that everyone is leaving for college, I realize that I based my identity on who I was friends with at the time, and how well-liked I was, and now I am left without any particular interests or characteristics that stand me appart from the rest. That realization has left me very confused. My mother always told me that if I didnt concentrate on my school work and find things I was interested in, I would wake up one day and realize I didnt have friends or a future. This comment is harsh, but true. Friends took the place of my passions, and by relying on others to make me happy, even if I think Im helping, I have lost touch with myself. I let others shape me, and maybe thats my identity.My passions and positive characteristics have gone downhill since my mother has become ill. The positive features I used to praise myself on are slowly diminishing. For example, I used to work at a daycare and that was what made me, ME. Children are my passion and since Ive lost this release its been hard for me to keep in touch with myself. For a year, working out was my passion, but the days between going to the gym quickly turned to weeks, and soon I quit altogether. Since my mother has been sick I feel like a huge ominous cloud has taken over my identity. Instead of fun, corky Lily, its now boring, unmotivated Lily. I spend so much time lost in my own mind, trying to figure out how the bills will be paid, what will happen if my mom becomes too sick to take care of my sister, what I will make for dinner...that I seem boring and uninterested to everyone else. In a way, my mothers problems are my identity I want to be different. Just like all the other different people I want to be like. I want to be just like ...
