ng to provide the eternal truths: “What women really want in their lover,” and “How to talk to women so they will find you irresistible.” This guy ended up with enough self-esteem and phony lines for five men! Friends inadvertently reinforced this belief about competency by praising him for such devotion to self-improvement. I questioned his real motive and he later disclosed that he had once been engaged and his fiance was untrue. He was devastated! He swore he would never let another woman take advantage of him!The reality: A person should feel competent to be a spouse, though some feelings of anxiety are natural. However, this anxiety should not keep you from marrying. No one is perfect, and no one can perfectly predict the future adjustments a couple will have to make. JUST TRY HARDER: The myth: You can be happy with anyone you choose to marry if you try hard enough. This is the opposite of the perfect partner belief. The negative consequences include taking a too casual approach to mate selection (since “just about anyone will do”), fostering another unrealistic belief that “with enough effort anything is possible,” and premature marriage (that is, committing to a relationship before carefully evaluating similarities, differences, values, goals, expectations, and so on). The truth is, some people I have counseled have such serious personality or behavioral problems that just about anyone would go crazy trying to live with them! A good example of this kind of person is one who has very low self-esteem and little confidence. This person is overly dependent on a partner for attention and love. Recently a man engaged to such a woman resentfully described how she followed him around “like a puppy dog.” “Day and night, Dr. Larson, she demands my undivided attention. I can’t even go study for a few hours without her resenting it, guilt-tr...
