ipping me for being gone so long, and accusing me of not putting her first in my life. Nothing I do is ever enough!” This poor guy was not only frustrated but significantly depressed over this situation. He was not sleeping, eating, or concentrating well. He was in danger of flunking out of school in his last semester as an MBA student. People with active addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, work, or whatever are another example of individuals who are nearly impossible to live with happily. And all the effort on the spouse’s part seldom results in the addict’s changing or the relationship’s improving significantly. As they say, addicts usually have to bottom out before they will seriously change. Bottoming out will probably include destroying the relationship first. Many married individuals who hold this try-hard-enough belief have experienced months or years of “trying harder” to make the marriage work without much success. This is because marriage is a reciprocal relationship that requires both spouses’ working together to resolve relationship problems.The reality: It takes two mature and well-adjusted individuals to make a marriage work, so one needs to be reasonably sensitive and selective in the choice of a mate. A prospective mate should be someone who is willing to give their fair share to the relationship, to compromise, and to be sensitive to equity in the relationship. OPPOSITES IMPROVE MARRIAGE: The myth: You should choose someone to marry whose personal characteristics are opposite from your own. Unfortunately, this belief encourages you to look for partners who are different from rather than similar to yourself. It also encourages irresponsibility on your part (for example, the sloppy person who marries the neat person, thinking that the neat person will pick up after him or her), and it discourages personal change (for example, rather than changing...
